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Post by jamaicanviking on Feb 4, 2014 14:22:54 GMT -5
Put the direct html link to your characters image here. [/img][/center] CharacterName: Miguel CoronaNickname(s):N/ARace:HispanicSex:MaleAge:23Birthplace: Mexicantown, Detroit, MichiganHeight: 5'11"Weight:193 lbsEye Color: HazelHair Color: BlackHair Style: Blast BackFacial Hair: Rough BeardSkin Color: Light BrownBuild: Skinny, some upper-body muscleDistinguishing Features:N/AProfession: Jet KingpinSkills: Extremely skilled in chemistry and Melee weaponry, some small guns knowledge Training: Self-TaughtOther Abilities: Agile, intelligentApparel: Leather armor with Grease Monkey design, head wrapWeaponry: Machete, .44 magnum with long barrelOther Equipment: throwing knives, frag grenades Affiliation: Grease Monkeys (his drug dealing ring)Religious Belief: DeistSexual Preference: Heterosexual Relationship Status: Single Personality: Snarky, serious when the situation becomes dire History: Miguel grew up in the Detroit ruins, the son of a male ex-Midwest Brotherhood of Steel scribe and a destitute junkie wastelander, Miguel never was one to stay in one place for long. As his family was very poor, his mother taught him how to make Jet, and Miguel expanded on that knowledge. He found his father's old pre-war textbooks, and along with his mother's knowledge, became an expert chemist. He made a few connections with his old friends, and soon they started a small drug ring. But as his product became more popular, unwanted attention arrived. Raiders eventually learned of Miguel's group, and took over Mexicantown, killing his parents, colleagues and friends at age 18, taking all of his money, Jet and resources. He became a nomad, traveling throughout the wastes, barely surviving, until he found the ruins of a Med-Tek research facility, near untouched. The facility still had most of its lab equipment intact, and its computer research database mostly non-corrupted. He based his operations there, and after three years of renovation or so, the facility became a veritable fortress. As Jet (Or rather, chems in general) were hard to come by in the wastes, his product quickly became popular among the wastelanders, as it was cheap and rather refined. After only 3 years, his drug dealing ring became one of the most well-known factions in the Midwest, and subsequently, one of the most powerful, and became known as the Grease Monkeys. These men are easily spotted in the land, with their distinct monkey design on the back of their leather armor. Miguel still resides in the facility.
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Post by GuardsGhost on Feb 5, 2014 13:23:33 GMT -5
Hello! I'm one of the mods here, and I reviewed your profile. A few things first off: 1) You need to copy the template in the 'G.O.A.T' section into here. It's the code at the end of the post. 2) You need to expand on your characters history, as it's a bit short of requirements. Try at least three paragraphs of history detailing their past events. Also, a timeline sort of history is also acceptable. IE: Date: Event/short history Date: Event/short history Date: Event/short history etc. 3) It's not clear who the parent is that was a Midwest Brotherhood of Steel scribe, though it can be assumed it's the father, please specify to avoid confusion. 4) Try to elaborate on why the mother taught him how to make jet, and how she knew in the first place. Was she a part of a ring? 5) Where did he get a Machete Gladius from? A regular machete would be easy enough for a resourceful wastelander to make I suppose, but that style of Gladius is only seen to be used by Caesars legion. Fix that up, and I'll give it another look over and see about approving it.
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Post by jamaicanviking on Feb 6, 2014 9:23:41 GMT -5
Ok, quick question: In the G.O.A.T., Do I just Copy/paste the code? If so, would I just write all my stuff just after the colon and between the weird things?(for example: CharacterName: Miguel Corona)
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Post by jamaicanviking on Feb 6, 2014 9:24:14 GMT -5
Oh wait never mind, I got it
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Post by Ambassador SteelPlate on Feb 6, 2014 19:41:43 GMT -5
Hello, I'm SteelPlate, and I'm also one of the Mods around here. I'll be helping to review this character. You still need to address and perform some of the things that Guard asked you to do. We're going to need more history on Miguel. We usually like to have 2 - 3 paragraphs in the history of a character. Here's some things we're going to need more information on: 1. How did Miguel's mom know how to make Jet? 2. Why did a mother teach her son how to make a drug? 3. The marriage of Miguel's parents. The Brotherhood aren't particularly known for caring about "normal wastelanders", so it seems sort of odd that there's someone from the Brotherhood hooking up with a Wastelander. Also, which one was the Brotherhood, the mother or father? 4. How did Miguel learn how to make more drugs other than Jet? 5. How did Miguel get people to join up with him, since he most likely isn't running this drug ring himself. Let's start with those five. Write some more history and we'll re-evaluate.
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Post by jamaicanviking on Feb 7, 2014 10:37:55 GMT -5
I clarified some stuff a bit better, I hope it helps
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Post by GuardsGhost on Feb 8, 2014 13:07:42 GMT -5
LOoks good now. No lore problems.
I do want to give you a heads up that no one is currently active in the area of Michigan, so you might be waiting a time for someone to make characters there.
Also, when you can make a faction thread for the faction.
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Post by jamaicanviking on Feb 8, 2014 14:30:27 GMT -5
I was planning on having him go East, to D.C. And to answer your faction question, I'm hoping sometime on Wednesday, more or less.
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Post by Ambassador SteelPlate on Feb 9, 2014 5:43:25 GMT -5
Second approval granted, moving.
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