Salvahkiin
Archer
My Siren's name is Brick, and she is the prettiest.
Posts: 1,055
Likes: 4
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Post by Salvahkiin on Feb 22, 2014 17:46:23 GMT -5
Character Name: Ashley Grey Nickname(s): Ash Race: Human, Caucasian. Sex: Female Age: 16 Birthplace: Shady Sands Height: 5'6 Weight: 55 kg Eye Color: Light Brown Hair Color: Brown Hair Style: Like in picture. Facial Hair: N/A Skin Color: More pale then tanned. Build: Athletic Distinguishing Features: Young age. Profession: Survivor Skills: Guns, Unarmed, Speech. Training: Trained by her father. Other Abilities: N/A Apparel: Varies, a lot of Pre-War casual clothing. Usually a shirt, and pants. Weaponry: 9mm Pistol, Varmint Rifle /w Suppressor Other Equipment: Ammunition (9mm + 5.56mm), Rations. Affiliation: New California Republic Religious Belief: Atheist Sexual Preference: Heterosexual Relationship Status: In a Relationship Personality: Ashley is quite the angel, she adores all life, and thinks that they can all be saved, and that aggression is not needed anywhere in life. Ashley was born in a small settlement along the Long 15, closer to Vegas then Dayglow. A year after Ashley was born, Joel and Lauren, her parents, had their second child. Ashley, ever since day one, had a commitment to look after her younger sister. Ashley loved her sister, and had shared most of her possessions with her. She was always able to tell her about being older, growing up in life. Ashley's mother died young of cancer, and while she was able to spend time with her, Ellie couldn't as much, as Lauren had to look after both of the kids. Ashley was always close to Ellie, but made a lot of time for her friends in the town. There was David, Louis, Indiana, Suzie and Paige. Ash was always close to Louis and Indiana then the others, and of course, if you're really good friends with someone, you'll probably date them. Ashley and Louis became a couple at 14, and have been dating for two years. Joel taught Ashley and Ellie how to survive, he wanted them to be able to survive on their own, just as a precaution. Ashley did not want to learn how to fight, but after many weeks of arguing, Joel won. She was an alright shot, but was better with a knife, or her hands and feet.
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Post by Ambassador SteelPlate on Mar 3, 2014 12:37:42 GMT -5
Okay, I think we need more information on Ashley here, Sal.
The profile says she's affiliated with the NCR, but there's no description as to how. Is her father a soldier, were they just born in NCR territory and are citizens? Are Joel and Lauren her parents? I'm assuming they are, but it's not explicitly said anywhere. I'm also assuming that Ellie is Ashley's sister, but, again, it's never explicitly said. The history is very very barebones, to the point that it's not very clear.
My question is this: What is Ashley's purpose? There's no mention of any plan or goal or anything in her profile. You mention that she's close to Ellie, but did she have to take care of her after their mother died (assuming that Ellie is Ashley's sister). Does she still worry about this today? Does Louis have any concern for Ellie? Is Louis also affiliated with the NCR? Is the town they're in affiliated with the NCR? Not everyone in New Vegas likes the NCR.
If you could, please add more to the history. As is, it leaves more questions than answers.
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Post by Stelpher on Mar 7, 2014 4:56:19 GMT -5
Steelplate, Ellie is a character i plan to make. Sal and I decided on them being sisters. So yes, it should say they are related somewhere. I do agree the history is quite lacking though, standing at barely 3 paragraphs.
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Salvahkiin
Archer
My Siren's name is Brick, and she is the prettiest.
Posts: 1,055
Likes: 4
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Post by Salvahkiin on Apr 11, 2014 19:16:12 GMT -5
I'd say that 3 paragraphs is quite satisfactory for a 16 year old character, it's a miracle I've gotten that much, and there's basically nothing I could add further.
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Post by Deleted on Apr 12, 2014 16:08:59 GMT -5
Not sure what anybody else thinks, but I would think you would need even more detail for a kid character than you would for anybody. This is purely as a precaution to keep all your character's limitations, strengths and experiences on one sheet, so we don't end up with some kind of super-cute teen heartthrob killer badass - or as I prefer to call it, every anime heroine ever. For example, Ashley is a good shot but is better using knives, yet she is also an angel who hates violence. That's a pretty big difference. I'd like to know what happened to her dad, if she's had to kill, what she's been up to in the wastes, when was her first kill, how she and Ashley survives. You've been doing this a while Sal. You know the drill. Just paint us a picture of a real girl. A peaceful, happy vulnerable girl with a backstory that shows us she's not going to turn into Teenie McKillalot. It's a pain I know, but you know we're all hardasses here  |
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Post by <> MetaWulf <> on May 15, 2014 19:52:28 GMT -5
I'm also going to say Ashley needs more detail, Thorin. Her profile stats and such are fine for her position in life, but her personality and history could have more detail. If you don't want to add new events to her history, just add more detail about the events and her life. Expand on it, I should say.
Also, give us a good feel for her personality and how she interacts with other people, and a general idea if she is outspoken or quiet, kind or a brat, what angle does she play? Just some ideas.
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ThreeDawg
Administrator
Voice of the Wastes
Posts: 1,219
Likes: 33
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Post by ThreeDawg on Jul 12, 2014 17:18:55 GMT -5
Is this still a WIP Sal or should I move this to the character graveyard until you want it.
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Salvahkiin
Archer
My Siren's name is Brick, and she is the prettiest.
Posts: 1,055
Likes: 4
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Post by Salvahkiin on Aug 1, 2014 6:15:24 GMT -5
Yeah, graveyard this.
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