|
|
Post by ghostchrismen on May 16, 2014 9:49:55 GMT -5
Character Name: Zedrekia Actvione Dragonbane Nickname(s): ZedrekRace: Nord Sex: Male Age: 28 Birthplace: RiftenHeight: 6 Ft 2 In Weight: 160 Lbs Eye Color: Light Green Hair Color: Black Hair Style: Blasted back Facial Hair: N/A Skin Color: White Build: Slim Distinguishing Features: The Wooden maskProfession: Assassin, Thief Skills: Acrobatics, One handed weapons, and Subterfuge Magic: Shadow from, Blind Training: Stealth, One handed weapons, Speech Other Abilities: Cooking, Cleaning Apparel: The Wooden mask, Thieves Guild Armor, gantlets and boots Weaponry: Daedric Dagger, Ebony Bow, and 16 Steel arrows Other Equipment: Map, Plates, pots, pans, Gems, Food, and Poisons Companions: The Wooden mask (AKA the Voice in his head) Affiliation: TBA Religious Belief: None as of yet Sexual Preference: Heterosexual Relationship Status: Widowed, yet open to relationships Personality: Friendly, Strange, Charismatic, Insane Zedrekia Actvione Dragonbane was the son of two nords whom settled in Riften. His mother being a dimwitted hag, and his Father being an abusive Imperial solider. At the age of 4 he met a Older boy whom stole from the merchants, and he Decided to do the same. After 4 years of stealing from the Merchants he decided to steal from bigger targets, such as travelers and the Temple of Mara. Only just after starting this, he was caught and punished Harshly by his Father. 10 years later his Mother was killed by a Dark brotherhood assassin, his father left Riften and moved to Markarth. Zedrek moved to Riverwood, meeting a Young woman and proposing marriage. After the both of them were married, they settled in a log cabin in the mountains close to Riverwood. 3 years went by and on a peculiar evening Zedrek decided to explore the mountains, finding the Old ruins of a small Settlement-like area. After exploring he found a Wooden mask, it seemed to hum with magic. He reluctantly placed it upon his face an suddenly, a shock went in his body, knocking him out. 3 hours have past until he awoke, still with the mask upon his face, he walked to the Cabin. Once he returned he found the place ransacked and his Wife gone, possibly by a Dark Brotherhood assassin. He mourned over her death until he found the mask could see into the past, using this new found ability of it, he tracked down her killer and stole his gear and weapons. 5 years of Zedreks life pass, he trains himself to become the best Assassin, learning magic and other powers of the Wooden mask. He now sets out to find a new Adventure and get a new family. Will he met friends, make new Enemies? Only the Divines know...
|
|
|
|
Post by Zenios on May 17, 2014 14:28:36 GMT -5
Howdy, and welcome to the site. I'm Zen, the resident lazy global mod, and I'll be reviewing your application today c:
The biggest issue that jumps out to me is the presence of the Wooden Mask here. It's a pretty cool gameplay artifact and all, but there's a grand total of one and we try to stay away from using the unique items found in the games. The Dragon Priests' masks, the Daedric artifacts, stuff like that. One-of-a-kind items from the games (even those with no real effects) are kind of in a weird spot, since it's totally plausible that the Last Dragonborn is canonically in possession of any of them (or all of them at once, if you're into some of the theories I've read about diverging timelines), and so we'd rather not incorporate any of them.
That's not to say you can't replace it with a similar item of your own design, but the staff will probably need to look at it before it's approved to make sure we're okay with it and you'll probably have to detail this new item's powers in depth. Daedric and ebony weapons are kind of in the same boat where they're extremely high-quality and thus not likely to be found and can mess with balance a little, but they're not so rare as to be one-of-a-kind.
I also wouldn't mind seeing a little more detail. Maybe some more description of any distinguishing features Zedrekia might have - even if he wears a mask at all times, he still has a face. Freckles, scars, a strong jawline, crow's-feet wrinkles at the corners of his eyes - we all have distinguishing features, and while you don't have to go overboard by any means I'd still like to see a few things mentioned.
And speaking of detail and description, personality and history are probably worth bringing up as well. I'm fairly certain characters have been approved with around the same (if not less) personality than you've got there, so maybe this is just a personal thing, but I wouldn't mind seeing at least a few more sentences there. Writing more personality helps other people (and you) get a better feel for what your character's like and, in my experience, makes writing from their perspective a little easier.
As for history, I know a large part of it's about the Wooden Mask and so it may need to be totally reworked anyway, but a little detail might be nice to see too. Maybe discuss Zedrek's training, the circumstances of his mother's death, why he moved to Riverwood. There's a lot of stuff to write about here.
And--and I promise I don't want to seem too nitpicky here--but Zedrekia Actvione Dragonbane doesn't sound very... Nordic. You may want to consider changing that to something that sounds stronger; Nordic names have much harsher syllables and are similar to names used today in Scandinavian countries or in historical stuff about Vikings, like Gustav or Olaf or Sigurd.
|
|
ThreeDawg
Administrator
Voice of the Wastes
Posts: 1,219
Likes: 33
|
Post by ThreeDawg on Jul 12, 2014 18:23:13 GMT -5
Be you be working upon this here Nord or shall I move this to the graveyard in 7 days until such a time you PM a member of staff that you wish to continue working upon it?
Post here or PM me the answer to mah questiones.
|
|
